What Does That Mean to You? Your Go-To Question

Can you think of a time when a simple question someone asked you made all the difference going forward in your relationship?

Lanette and I had just finished our official ground-breaking ceremony with our contractor, Brandon. The first shovel of dirt was turned. We toasted the project with a bottle of Gruet, a fine New Mexico sparkling wine vinted in the style of Champaigne. (Yes, you read that right.) Our home had marked its beginning on this land.

The three of us were hanging out on this crisp, sunny January afternoon, talking about what’s next and other what-have-yous. Brandon was explaining his approach to his projects when I suddenly, without context or explanation, saw fit to announce, “You know, you’re going to see a lot of me out here.”

Calmly and without judgment, Brandon gifted me a response I won’t forget…

“What does that mean to you, Jeff?”

I paused, pondered, and likely did a bit of a tap dance before I responded. And, of course, I failed to give any sort of meaningful or thoughtful answer. Because, to be completely honest, I didn’t know what I meant.

What I knew for sure was that I wanted to ensure that absolutely everything was done right. And without much consideration, I was sure that meant my presence on the building site would make that happen. Or not.

So, what makes his question so powerful?

First, it gave Brandon useful information. My answer told him how to respond by zeroing in on anything that could potentially interfere with his system and management of the project.

Think about it for a moment, so many of us would have immediately gone on the attack. He could have leaped to something like, “You’ve got to understand, the last thing I need is you out here getting in the way while my guys are trying to work…”

Instead, any chance of friction was avoided at that moment.

Second, it raised my confidence in Brandon before the first nail was driven.

Third, it invited me to think about what I wanted and what was important to me before I stammered on any further.

This became a pivotal moment in our relationship with our builder and, ultimately, their entire team.

That simple query has turned out to be one of my most valuable go-to questions.

It has prevented countless misunderstandings, arguments, and who knows what else.

When you’re interacting with anyone over just about anything, and you hear something that rubs you wrong, this simple question will serve you well.

And you know what, most of the time, I’ve remembered to ask, “What does that mean to you?” I’ve found that what I heard wasn’t exactly what they meant. Listening to an additional bit of information enabled us to continue along with a healthy, thoughtful discussion.

In these crazy, mixed-up times we’re living in, people seem to be more on edge. It seems like we’re ready to pounce on just about anything that might rub us wrong. (Not you and me, of course, but other people.)

So, before my instincts kick in and cause me to respond badly, I try to remember Brandon’s question…