The Score Was 0 – 4 and I’m Worried… but a “Hey” Got the Nod in the End.
We’ve had an unbelievable string of near perfect summer days here in the Mid-Atlantic. Sunny, with highs barely scratching the eighties. Puffy white clouds marking the skies. Just the right amount of a cool, kissing breeze.
But I’m told today will be the last one for some time. We’ve got to make room for July… and July is no pansy. So, I decided to take advantage and set out for a nice long walk…
I live in suburbia in a nice area with a network of hike-and-bike trails surrounded by trees and a couple of ponds along the way. There are few excuses for not working in a stroll during your day.
I set out on my trek and right away I encounter two women coming my way. They’re both stepping it out and sporting “this is exercise and this is serious” frown-faces.
That’s okay, I understand serious.
Next come two girlfriends completely lost in conversation. They seemed very serious too.
I barely remember the next person I encounter, but I recall thinking… “I’m feeling invisible, did I get hit by a bus and die and I just don’t know it yet?”
(I should point out that I’m from the Midwest where we say “Hi” or “Hello” or just “Hey” when we pass people on the street. The minimum acceptable gesture is what I call a micro-nod. Just barely enough for the other to see and reply with a nano-nod. We’re generally known to be friendly. No, I’m not from Mayberry, but I haven’t been able to shake it even after living in major metro areas for over thirty years now).
Then comes a couple with a baby in a stroller. The baby gave me hope, because she was smiling. But not mom and dad. I’m sure it was new baby fears and jitters. It could have even been their maiden voyage in that stroller built for the surface of Mars.
Now it’s 0 – 4. Nobody seems happy. Nobody nods, let alone says “Hi” or even lets out as much as a grunt. Just to go on record, I’m not really keeping score here. But this is how things are turning out…
These people are beginning to be a buzz kill for my awesome summer day walk.
To be fair, I’m not the most outgoing guy on the planet. So, I generally follow the cues… a glance gets a “Hey,” eye contact gets a “Hi” or “Good morning.” I’m not asking a for much here.
My destination is a Starbucks (the reward) in a strip center exactly one mile from my front door. I stop for a break there, sit outside and take in some piped-in jazz from speakers overhead. I’ve mostly forgotten all the serious faces.
Fortunately, the tide of the universe shifted on the way back.
An older gentleman coming into the center greeted me with a genuine smile and a “hey!”
Next, I get an “Isn’t this just the most gorgeous day?” greeting from a lady walking her Schnauzer. With that I paused to meet “Schultz” and said hello. There are benefits to being a dog person.
While standing there talking, not realizing we’re blocking the trail. I young dude buzzes around us on a bike. As we eek out a belated “Sorry,” he replies, “It’s okay, it’s all good.”
After that, a guy on a commercial riding mower, raised his hand in that modified, reduced wave, but be-cool gesture. Things are picking up. The flip-flop is much better.
They weren’t all happy people on the way back. There was a woman with eyes laser-locked straight ahead. She looked to be an immigrant. Who knows what she experienced in her home country? Possibly someone here advised her to walk briskly and keep your eyes looking ahead? Maybe it’s good advice, maybe it’s flawed.
So, where I’m going with this?
Some of us get to have a great day today, and others maybe not so much.
Some time ago I read a post about having empathy and cutting people some slack. I need to admit, it didn’t really sink in at the time. It’s taken me awhile, but I’m getting there.
I’ll also share that I recently went on a men’s retreat on leadership. I know that experiences like these are usually good for one’s soul. Leadership didn’t seem like a very “retreat-like topic. Though reluctant to let go, I dive in.
During the retreat, I discovered that I lack empathy in my leadership. That’s right, I’ll admit hadn’t put empathy and leadership together in the same sentence before that weekend. But I learn it matters.
Here’s the thing… Everybody has their story. We can’t know what they’re dealing with today or any other day for that matter.
We don’t know their background. We don’t know the burden they carry.
It all starts to come together when you let it. It’s that old saying about walking a mile in their shoes…
We’re living in a me-first world more and more. A little empathy, some understanding, and the willingness to cut someone some slack can go a long way to relieve some unfounded expectations we have of others.
It helps them and we escape the angst we feel when someone doesn’t respond the way we expected them to. We can also appreciate our own good fortune a little more.
Let’s spread good vibes with a nod, smile, hey, or hello! It’ll do someone good.
By the way, it was a great walk. Final score 8-5. The “Hey” gets the nod in the end.
What are your thoughts? Let’s have a conversation… leave a comment below…
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I can certainly relate to those dead-pan stares from approaching people when out for a walk, but I have to say that when hiking the trails here in New Mexico I never meet anyone who doesn’t exchange a greeting, stop for a brief chat, or demonstrate a willingness to let me pet their dog. I realize I’m not walking the streets of some large metropolitan area, so perhaps the geography and related activity makes a difference, but it’s a refreshing change!
That’s great, Phil! You’re living in an awesome place… enjoy! To be fair, the morning I wrote the post was unusual for Northern Virginia. Most people I run into are really friendly, especially for a large metro area.