Learning that Endures—8 Life Lessons from Accidental Teachers

I’m thinking it’s safe to say we all have lessons we’ve learned that have stuck with us for the long haul. And some of the best came from those accidental teachers who have been a part of our life’s impactful moments.

The most enduring lessons come through accidental teachers

Do you have rules that still guide you today that you picked-up as far back as high school, grade school, or before? I do, I have lots of them. But I’m kind of a lifehack junkie.

So, I thought it might be fun to share a few with you today. Some are more serious than others. A few took some time to soak-in.

Who were these guides I call accidental teachers? A couple of priests from our parish, three former girlfriends, a friend’s dad, a coworker, and my Mom.

Here goes…

Ladies first—Let’s begin with the girlfriends

• Susan’s Rule. It goes something like this… your expectations lead to your disappointment. If you don’t allow yourself to have expectations around an outcome, you won’t suffer disappointment when things turn out differently than you had hoped.

At the time, she sounded a little too cynical for me. But I’ve come around since then. What do you think?

Happiness equals reality minus expectations.”

—Tom Magliozzi, the late NPR Car Talk Cohost

Who didn’t love Tom?

• Get your yayas out. Then keep them out… because they can get you into trouble if you let them build up. I learned this one from Marcia, and she was right. What are yayas? It’s a condition often caused by pent-up emotions and energy that need to be expressed. Simple enough?

The best way to get ‘em out is through exercise. I know, Ugh. Not always so easy, right? But music, relaxation, a long walk, a good book, meditation all play their part.

• The 5-year Rule. I dated Tricia during my senior year in high school. She had the misfortune of having two otherwise wonderful, but insanely restrictive parents. (Grown-up would say this too).

Her way of dealing with it was to ask herself, Will the blow-back from doing something I want to do now still matter in five years? I wasn’t as brave as she, but I also didn’t live under the same restrictions. It was a decision rule that worked for her.

So before worrying too much about what’s bothering you, it helps put things in perspective by asking yourself if it will still matter in a few years.

There’s nothing accidental about this next one...

• You lose a bet, you pay-up. Even if it’s your Mom. No. Especially if it’s your mom. I was all of five or six when this lesson came my way. But I deserved it, and I needed it. Mom didn’t dare let this learning moment pass.

We had this cowboy hat that I thought was the real deal. I was allowed to play with it only under adult supervision—most likely to spare it from death by neighbor kids.

Missing that she had already retrieved it from its hiding place, I demanded she fetch the hat from the top shelf in the closet. “Are you sure that’s where it is?”  Having recently learned about the power of a good bet I spouted back, “betcha-a-buck!”

Mom took that bet, took my buck, and held me to it. I never got that dollar back. Ever. Some lessons sure come harder than others.

‘Up there’ is a good place to hide.

• Always look up. Most of us will overlook just about anything above our natural sightline. My best friend’s dad in junior high was an FBI agent. Without crossing any professional lines, he taught us a few things that kept up out of trouble more than once. 

He started us with two simple rules—First, be aware of your surroundings, and then, don’t forget to look up. You don’t want to miss what’s up there.

• Let bad thoughts pass. As a dopey, know-it-all teenager, I was blessed to know Father Jerry from our parish. He was known as “the cool priest” in our town, and he kept a lot of us on a good path.

He knew all about hormones, peer pressure, and teenage curiosity. He didn’t avoid any of it. Simple wisdom like, don’t worry about having bad thoughts, just let them pass… when they come let them go. It’s when you invite them to stay the problems begin. (‘Bad thoughts’ are any of those things we were told not to think about as teenagers).

We’re not teenagers anymore, but we still have thoughts that don’t always serve us well… like the chatter that tells us we can’t do something. Just let those thoughts keep moving and out the door.

Two more that are good for not getting stuck...

• Moving on is about letting go. Father Bob was another priest at our parish, and he could sure light up a sermon. I’ll never forget his commencement address at my high school graduation.

He left us with a simple formula that starts out with treasuring memories while letting go, then moving forward with anticipation of what lies ahead.

• Embrace every season. Six or seven years after his speech, I was working on an engineering project in the real world where I traveled a lot with the program manager. He was about twenty years my senior, but we sort of clicked.

Don became an accidental teacher during the three- or four-month-long project. While learning about his family one night at dinner, I commented that he and his wife seemed to have done some things right.

He shared this with me, “When we got married, we promised each other that instead of resisting the inevitable changes ahead, we would embrace every new season of life by exploring it together. And that has made all the difference.”

Sometimes I need to stop and remind myself what Don said to me about ’embracing changes’ that night. Then, I adjust my mark and sail on. Heeding his advice, of course.

Be untucked… and embrace what lies ahead.

Tell me about one of your accidental teachers. What was your takeaway?

Copyright © 2020 Jeff Meister – All Rights Reserved