Good friends seem tougher to come by as an adult.
Would you like to have more friends? I believe we all would. Especially, when you consider the average American adult only has one to four close friends.
Would you be surprised if I said applying an important business skill will help?
I’ve said this before, “Good business skills can be good life skills and good life skills are often good business skills.” I’m raising that because this post was inspired by an Editor’s Note by Jason Feifer in Entrepreneur magazine, where he talked about the value of being responsive to others. Yes, to business colleagues, but also friends and even strangers.
Why should I be responsive to strangers? Because they could become your next new friend. If you think about it, new friends start as strangers, don’t they? But it takes action on your part in the form of being more responsive to others.
One simple shift will help you to make more friends.
Making new friends as an adult feels more daunting the older we get. Remember when it was easy? You know, those years between the playground and the real world.
Developing a habit of being more responsive in our interactions with others can be a gateway to new friendships. So what does this mean, exactly?
Being responsive is the ability to pay attention to what others say and do, then responding appropriately and promptly. It’s an important interpersonal skill that can help you build trust, rapport, and collaboration with others.
Let’s take a closer look…
Responsiveness might be the easiest, simplest, and yet most overlooked thing you can do to make people happy, show them respect, and create new opportunities.” –Jason Feifer, Editor in Chief
He’s right you know. And when you develop your responsiveness muscle, you’ll find that others in turn like and respect you more. You’ll earn more business and make more friends.
Think about what it’s been like for you on the receiving end. Does it seem like responsiveness is becoming a rare commodity? Why is it that being on the receiving end of respect and responsiveness feels so refreshing? You would think people would naturally strive to be more responsive to others.
And when you’re not responsive to others, you’ll probably find the opposite is true. Funny thing, as I sit here banging away the keyboard, I’m waiting on a contractor who promised she would drop by in the morning. She hasn’t and it’s making me crazy.
What does being more responsive look like?
First off, it’s much easier than you might think. Start by replying to every (real) person you hear from. There is a limited “shelf life,” so respond promptly. It will feel less awkward if you don’t wait.
I get it, there’s simply not enough time to respond to everything and everybody. And that’s not what I’m proposing. We have way too much noise bombarding us from the digital world. What I’m suggesting is to develop a habit of responsiveness to others. Then act on suggestions or opportunities for the next interaction.
Even if you end up needing to reply with a “no” in the end, you will have reached back instead of ignoring them. At the heart of our interactions, we all just want to be heard.
Digging even deeper, making friends as an adult requires a more nuanced approach. Gone are the days of a one-interaction proposition like it was when you were five years old… “Will you be my friend?…“Okay!”
By this point in life, all the chatter we face every single day has made us overly cautious and distrustful of people outside our little bubbles. We’ve got to let ourselves step beyond that mindset if we’re going to meet new friends. Think step-by-step, response-by-response.
In a way, making friends as an adult is modern-day Kabuki dance.
So, the next time you or an acquaintance passively make the suggestion to grab coffee sometime, be responsive by following up with a text and suggesting a time and a coffee shop. It’s just coffee and it could be the next step to a great friendship.
Remember, more than anything else, the people who come into your life just want to feel seen and heard.
Be untucked.
p.s. Check out this article by psychologist and friends expert, Dr. Marisa G. Franco for 7 phrases to make new friends at any age.
p.p.s. Know someone who’s looking for new friends? This might be a good one to share with them.
Copyright © 2024 Jeff Meister – All Rights Reserved
Excellent, very timely article, Jeff. Would be that we all would learn this by reading… rather than by experiencing the consequences of unresponsiveness.
Also, excellent quote: “Responsiveness might be the easiest, simplest, and yet most overlooked thing you can do to make people happy, show them respect, and create new opportunities.”
Thanks for writing this!
Thank you for the kind words and thank you especially for reading!