Yes, your “Not-To-Do List”… it’s the one that should be getting longer!
The Not-To-Do List’s little sister is known as the “Stop Doing List.” You may have heard of her too. Both can be powerful tools to use to free-up some of life’s unrelenting pressures.
Okay, okay… what’s a Not-To-Do List anyway?
I first heard of the idea from Tim Ferriss, author of the “The 4-Hour Work Week.
“Not-to-do” lists are often more effective than to-do lists for upgrading performance. The reason is simple: what you don’t do determines what you can do.”
—Tim Ferriss
First, let’s consider this fact of life that’s easy to overlook…
Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to another. That’s why decisions can be hard sometimes.”
—Sean Covey, author
A ‘yes’ to something is an automatic ‘no’ to something else… no matter how you slice it.
It’s a universal law. Because time is limited, we can’t just keep adding one ‘yes’ after another. You can try, but something’s gotta give. It’s that simple.
On top of that, we’ve become conditioned to say yes.
Marketers do it to us all the time without our realizing it. Let me show you how and I promise you it will help you fine tune your defenses.
Hold that thought while I ask you this… Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to worry about having enough time? Wouldn’t life be terrific if the world were such that we could easily fit everything in?
Take a moment now and imagine what that would be like.
Were you in your happy place? Did you think to yourself, “Yes.” Then “Yes.” And then, “That would be so nice”? So, here’s the thing… the way our brains are wired, once we’ve said yes once or twice, we’re exponentially more willing to say yes again.
Even if we’ve only imagined saying it to ourselves.
Our willingness to say yes to something is increased even more when we imagine how we might feel if something were true. And we begin to want it even if we didn’t before we imagined how it might be.
Now you can tell Paula at the PTA that you’re on to her when she asks you to just imagine how precious the little first graders will look in their new costumes… be aware, be very aware.
And the scary thing is, that’s just one of over a hundred ways our prehistoric lizard brains allow us to be tricked into doing things that we don’t really want to do.
Don’t worry, it doesn’t work on me either.
Once you’ve started to recognize how clever all the manipulators get you to do, buy, or believe things that may not be in your best interest, you’ll better positioned to resist the call.
Here’s a short list of just a few of the manipulators out there vying for a ‘yes.’—
- Friends
- Family
- Kiddos
- Bosses
- Schools
- Ads
- Salespeople
One of your best defenses is to get in the habit of reminding yourself that you do have a choice.
Choices can be stealth at times.
They can look or feel like they’re not a choice at all. Train yourself to ask, “What are my choices?” Not, “Do I have a choice?” If that feels weird at first, it might be more comfortable to ask, “What are my options?”
You might be wondering where does this Not-To-Do List I mentioned up top come in?
Keeping and maintaining a written Not-To-Do List is one of your best defenses against agreeing to do…
- Whatever you don’t have time for
- Activities you don’t like to do
- Work that isn’t in line with your values
- Something better suited for someone else
- What’s not in your best interest
I realize making a list may sound unnecessary.
Why do you need to make an actual list?
The reason is as simple as why marketing messages get you to say ‘yes’ and imagine how nice something would be. The act of writing it down makes it more real to your brain. You believe in something more when you physically write it down.
A list on your phone or tablet is fine. You’re at least going through the process of thinking to yourself about things you will no longer do. It just won’t work as well as a hand-written list.
To give you some ideas and get you started, here are some examples that Tim Ferriss recommends including on a Not-To-Do List…
- Answering calls from unrecognized phone numbers
- e-mailing first thing in the morning or last thing at night
- Agreeing to meetings or calls with no clear agenda or end time
- Checking e-mail constantly — “batch” and check at set times only
- Working more to fix overwhelm — prioritize
- Carrying a smartphone 24/7
- Expecting work to fill a void that non-work relationships and activities should
It’s hip to focus on getting things done, but it’s only possible once we remove the constant static and distraction. If you have trouble deciding what to do, just focus on not doing.”
—Tim Ferriss
It might take some time to get used to the idea.
Go ahead, give it a shot. When I first tried it, I struggled to come up with more than a few items. I just checked and now I’m up to twenty.
Once you have your list put together, you’ll want to review it every few weeks or so to remind yourself what you’ve put on it and to see how you’re doing.
Give it some time, it can really help.
Be untucked… that’s one you’ll want to keep!
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If you enjoyed today’s post, you might also like…
The Best Way to Get More Done Is to Slow Down
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Copyright © 2019 Jeff Meister
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