Essential Questions — Would I Make a Good Friend?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Would I make a good friend?”

This was the hit-you-smack-between-the-eyes question my friend, Mike Lynch asked in his Wednesday morning post this week on Facebook. Not a question you would think to ask yourself most days, I know.

Although it may make you feel a little uncomfortable after you get beyond your initial reaction, “Of course I am, why would I even ask that?” Then it just might prove to be one of the most rewarding thoughts you’ve explored lately.

Sometimes it’s good to check-in on ourselves to take inventory.

The good news is this—you get to ask and answer in the privacy of your own thoughts. That way no one needs to know your answer.

Seriously though, don’t let yourself shy away from this question.

A good, thought-provoking question has the power to do wonders. So, if I may, I’d like to kick around some thoughts on what to consider when asking yourself, “Would I make a good friend?”

Stick with me for a moment, I promise what you won’t get is a list of do this and presto-change-o you’re now a great friend or do that, then you’re not. Hey, we’re all humans and we all have our quirks. I know I do. And we can have more than a few of those and still be a good friend.

Just know that a little self-awareness, some tempering, and a lot of outward focus is the start of a good plan. As Mike says,

Be honest and know that there are no perfect people in this ol’ world. Everyone has a list of personal self-improvements [to make].”

Let’s begin with this…

Something I believe we miss in our “grown-up” lives is the skill of being a good friend. What was natural from childhood through our mid 20s, is now awkward and cumbersome at best.

As the years pass, we tend to become caught up in our own little lives and our own view of the world that we simply forget how to be a friend.

Don’t believe me? When was the last time you got together with friends to simply hang out? You used to do that, you know. I rest my case.

So, let’s explore how to fix this problem.

We miss the cues; we’re unwilling to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there. Life is all careers, life, family, kids’ sports, and what-have-you. Constantly cutting something short at the expense of something else, usually something that matters more. Life’s priorities have slowly edged out our time for being a good friend.

This shouldn’t be a surprise… Being a good friend begins with showing up. With being present in the lives of others. How else would it work?

If there is one universal truth about being a good friend, it’s that you’ve got to be there—when you’re needed and when you’re not.

So, I’ve collected a short bullet list of thinking points for you. (Thinking points are like talking points without the talking.)

They are for you to ponder over to come up with your own thoughts and answers. People are different and so are friendships. What matters to me in a friendship may not matter as much for you.

As with true love, some friendships work in strange ways.

So, to get you started, slowly walk through this list of possibilities. See what else shows up for you, then pay special attention to those.

Ready? Here goes—

A good friend…

• Reaches out and
• Checks in.
• Listens and shares.
• Offers true help over, 
• Let me know if’s.
• Says yes at least as much as no.
• Bothers to follow up, and
• Is willing to open up.
• Gives a friend some slack, and
• Also tightens the reins.
• Shows up for the good times,
• And the difficult times.
• Doesn’t have anything to prove, and
• Celebrates their friend’s wins.

What else would you add?

The list could be a mile long. However, I expect most of us will have a good idea about our answer to the question at hand, “Would I make a good friend?” 

And always remember this, at times a good friend is worth everything. And worth every bit of what you put into having one and being one.

I hope you found this post helpful and a worthwhile self-check. We should be willing to ask ourselves the tough questions. They can help us keep ourselves on track.

Here’s to being a good friend.

Be untucked.

This is another post you might like on friendship, Anthony Bourdain… the friend inside our head

p.s. A hat tip and credit for this week’s topic goes to my friend from way back, Mike Lynch. He inspired this post by asking the question, “Would I make a good friend?” in his get-your-day-started-right posts on Facebook. Mike, thanks for bailing me out again with some great inspiration!

p.p.s. And, thanks for asking the question… It was a “good friend” thing to do!

Oh! One last thing, if you enjoyed this post be sure to share it with a friend. Use the Share-Buttons at the top and bottom of the post. Thanks, I owe you one.

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