What’s your favorite nugget of wisdom you like to share with recent graduates?
What’s that one key to life, success, or happiness that you love passing along?
CAUTION! Well-meaning questions and comments have the power to unwittingly break the spirit of a new graduate before they even begin their journey into the real world.
Graduation season is rapidly approaching, so you should have it ready.
Give it some honest thought. It’s important.
Keep in mind, they’re all wondering what the hell they’re going to do with their lives. It’s exciting… but it’s scary as all get out at the same time. Do you remember what that was like? I sure do and I’m still trying to figure it out.
Stop for a minute and think about the usual go-to questions… For high school grads it’s “What’s your major?” And for college grads it’s “Do you have a job yet?”
The fastest way to derail any momentum they may have is to ask these questions.
What if they haven’t decided on a major? What if they don’t have a job… yet?
From their perspective, you may as well ask them why they’re screwing up? Nobody means it like that, but questions such as those naturally make them feel like they should… Have-all-these-life-questions-answered-right-now.
But aren’t these just friendly conversational questions?
Sure, that’s the intent. But there’s still an implied assumption that they should have the answer. It’s expected. And they’re feeling the pressure. They’re all struggling with something and they might not even know what it is.
Why do I say that? Well, think about it for a moment. Have you ever heard a good follow-up to “I don’t know yet” or “I’m not really sure”? It’s usually an awkward, somewhat forgiving, “That’s okay, you’ll figure it out (you pitiful, misguided soul).”
The thing is, so many young people DO have their answers; they are the lucky ones whose talents and interests so clearly lead them to good and acceptable answers. That’s great for them, too. Because they’ll avoid the pain felt by the struggling, not-so-sure among us.
You might instead say something like, “You know, these are exciting times for you. You’ll get to try some fun new things. You’ll miss out on others. You might mess up some… like we all did. You will have incredible experiences. And it’s going to be great.”
Wouldn’t that have been nice to hear?
Yes! Go make some imperfect choices. The thing about choices that don’t work out… there will be another one for you right behind it.
As Sir Richard Branson likes to say–
There’s always another bus.” (That’s my requisite guru quote for this post).
And Seth Godin has about a hundred different ways to point out that “we get it wrong until we get it right.”
(By the way, his book, Linchpin would be an awesome graduation gift for your grad who’s off to embark on a big corporate career. Consider it the missing “how-to” manual.)
I have however, learned that most of life is a work in process, a journey. The more I’ve learned about those great overnight success stories we love so much, I also learn about the years of failed attempts and stories of how “that one didn’t work like I thought it would.” I’ve noticed they tend to leave those parts out.
If you know me at all, you’ll know that I’ve never been a “give-‘em-a-hall-pass” kind of guy.
Mistakes. Failures. Wrong choices. Pivots. New experiments. None are required for that diploma. They are reserved for the larger lessons in life.
Learn from them. Own them. Accept responsibility for them.
School may be over, but learning isn’t.
And if you’re willing to keep learning, your education never ends.
When I graduated from college, I had this great idea that I would continue to take one class every semester forever. Talk about optimism. I was going to take only the classes I wanted to. I would be able to try things that didn’t count toward any degree.
But I didn’t.
Why? Because I didn’t start. I became distracted by this new world at my doorstep. In the process, I was seduced by even more distractions and other realities of real life.
Should we just go ahead and tell them, “Now it’s up to you. No one makes you start. No one makes you get up. No one makes you show up. No one makes you do the work. The wonderful part AND the painful part is you get to decide what you do and what you don’t do. It’s now on you. Mom won’t be there to drag your sleepy little bum out of bed”
Is that a tad too harsh? Maybe.
School may be over. However, you never really leave the classroom. Should we tell them that? Is it a seed worth planting?
Okay, what if you tell them this new season in life is really important, so don’t waste it?
Will they hear instead, “This is it. Your chance is now. Don’t screw it up?”
Don’t forget these are teenage minds full of mush, hope, and possibility. And still tender and impressionable. (Have I really written these words?)
The twenty-something college grads aren’t much farther along the path.
What do you think of this quote? It absolutely made me cringe…
The difference between squandering your twenties and making the most of them is understanding what to do with what’s ahead of you.”
—Jeff Goins, author of The Art of Work
Wow. That’s seems to be setting the bar just a little too high, doesn’t it?
For the record, I like Jeff Goins’ writing. He’s a brilliant guy and wise ahead of his years. But Jeff, if you understood what to do with what was ahead of you when you were in your twenties, you quite possibly were the only one.
(By the way, his book, The Art of Work would be an awesome graduation gift for the creative minds on your list. Check it out.)
What if as their accidental advisors, we admit that we don’t have all the answers? That our advice is merely cover for our own screwups. That we’re still trying to figure out our own shortcomings. That we still make mistakes.
Does that give them a license to go make poor choices?
Maybe. Some may see it that way.
And while they’re worried about missing out on something, we’re worried about running out of time. The truth is we’re all on the same journey, just further down the ol’ dusty trail.
I’ll give you this… In the end, it’s because we want what’s best for those close to us. If we can patch some of the potholes in their road, all the better, right… or not-so-right?
Most of us are genuinely excited for them. We want them to know what we know. We want to share what we’ve learned in the school of hard knocks. We want an easier road for them.
I’m asking you to gather your thoughts and ponder those nuggets carefully…
They can have a greater impact than you might imagine.
Whatever wisdom you choose to share, please be very careful with this last, but too common bit of advice.
From my view, this is the end-all, spirit-killer response anyone can say to a new grad…
You just can’t make any money doing that.”
—You
The second-place, Alt-1 version is…
How are you going to make any money doing that?”
—You again
I know, I know, we all must eat and we have bills to pay. This is real life we’re talking about now. We think we know better and need to save them from their idealistic little selves.
At least posing the question suggests the possibility of an answer.
Art or teaching or saving the planet or whatever that crazy, unrealistic dream won’t keep the lights on after all.
We don’t always get what we want in life. They’ll have to learn that now or later. Better now… or is it? That idea should have started taking hold long before now.
You hear that nonsense all the time. For me it was computers this or engineering that. One would come away believing there was no other way in the world to make a living.
My first college advisor told me not to waste my time on that journalism class I wanted to take. My math and science scores clearly point to physics or engineering. (I wonder who writes those stories?) In the end, I chose to major in business… because “everything always comes down to business.” It felt safe.
The conventional wisdom wins every time. And guess what, it still does.
If it’s not STEM, it’s not in. (Hat tip to Rhode Island School of Design for having the vision to add the ‘A’ for art + design… making it STEAM).
Now, back to that how-are-you-going-to-make-any-money question.
Well the fact is, maybe many people can’t. Maybe a lot of others don’t. The possibility is… maybe they can. And many actually do. Make enough, that is. And here’s a shocker… making money (read good money) doesn’t matter to everyone.
For Millennials, with all the alleged faults so readily attributed to them, the pursuit of more toys, of more stuff, doesn’t matter so much. Hard to understand, I know. Gen Z is looking much the same.
Maybe they’re on to something? Maybe a lesson there for us older and wiser ones?
The numbers are rolling in, and the car makers are freaking out. Looks like there may not be room for over two-hundred-and thirty-seven-makes-and-models-to-pick-from. (Source:statista.com)
I challenge you to find a vocation in this world where somebody, somewhere hasn’t found a way to making a killing doing it. BUT, and this one is a particularly big BUT, most people who have harnessed that level of passion would much rather make a difference with their calling than make a killing. Period. Full Stop.
Help them find a way. Encourage them to seek their own path.
This is what I would say…
Look at life as a journey, because that’s what it really is. Happiness is not something waiting at the end. Strive to live in the “now” as much as you can. Take excursions. Try the side trips. Loop back. Get on. Get off. Follow your heart. Follow your mind. Follow your soul. Do something just for the fun of it. You’ll develop a sense for where you’re headed to next.
Always remember, they’re trying to figure out what to do with their lives. That’s a big deal for them. It’s the biggest deal in their lives so far.
If you don’t enjoy the journey, you might find the destination disappointing.
Here’s a simple plan…
- Become a student of the world
- Keep learning
- Do the work
- Try things on for size
- Experiment
- Travel to new places
- Meet interesting people
- Experience new things
- Read lots of books
- Keep an eye on who you are becoming
- Pivot as you need to
- Pause often and get away from the noise
- Don’t forget to unplug so you can recharge
Oh, and ask good questions.
Now what’s that golden nugget you’re going to share?
Be untucked.
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Copyright © 2019 Jeff Meister
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